I am surprised to see that my latest post, intended to be no more than a whimsical, lighthearted farce, has unexpectedly rubbed some of you the wrong way. This unprecedented school spirit on your part comes as a bit of a surprise, but perhaps you just needed a cause to rally around. You can thank me later.
I will, however, apologize now to those who felt slighted. As I have already apologized to #25, and am publicly on the record as stating, essentially, that the Paly basketball team is the greatest thing to happen in sports since Dirk stripped the Heat of their collective manhood, I don't think I need to address the basketball team. Though I will say, in response to the one anonymous commenter, that I suspected the alley-oop was intentional but was trying to put a Gunn-favoring spin on things.
Anyhow, as for the girls soccer team, I regret calling you "crappy." What I should have said was, "The girls soccer team, which happens to have lost 3-1 to Gunn today but perhaps had a bad performance or just couldn't handle Gunn's soccer brilliance, vented their frustration by attempting to reenact Stomp the Yard during the basketball game." That would have been more appropriate.
As for the cheer team, I am not sure saying they suck is completely unfair since they were appallingly out of sync and dropped a girl during the lift part of the routine, but I guess it is reading too far into a sample size of one. Perhaps if I saw them more often, the average quality of performance would even out at a much higher level (statistics, by the way. You'll get there).
Finally, I cannot comprehend taking real offense at the academics jokes, but if you did, lighten up. I'm not even going to fake-apologize for those. By the way, if you have made it this far, you are reading way above the expected difficulty level for your Paly English class. You may wish to request honors placement.
Anyway, the moral of this story is that you should chill out. I am thrilled that you know my identity, since certain people I previously believed to be my friends are throwing names around random Facebook threads, but I caution you that beating me up would not be very fulfilling. I don't put up much of a fight.
Just remember that everyone excels at different things: I am good at writing and making harmless (I thought) fun of things; Gunn is good at badminton and the SAT; Paly is good at basketball and