I Had To. Right?

Is a third post overkill?  Probably.  BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE THIS IS HILARIOUS.  Also, whoever this kid is, he is the best and brightest that the Palo Alto Unified School District has to offer.  Let's hold a holiday in his honor (tomorrow, maybe?) and celebrate his good deeds.

OK, first, I would like to reply to the commenters on the "Dear Paly" post.

UnknownJan 12, 2012 08:06 PM

As a critic of your previous post, let me clarify my position - I enjoy a good rivalry as much as anyone, especially Paly vs. Gunn, but just felt some of the comments pushed the envelope a bit (but only slightly). Maybe I am overly sensitive or I did not read it with the correct tone in my mind. Nonetheless, as I said to a friend of yours today, it was very well written, as is this post, so that does make it interesting to read - and I've been thoroughly impressed having now had a chance to scour your blog a bit.
On a different sports note: Any thoughts on Stanford basketball and a run at the Pac-12 tournament this season?

Dear Unknown,
Thanks for the compliments, and my apologies if you were at all bothered by anything I wrote.  I'll address that later.  In any case, I love this Stanford team, expect them to win the (thoroughly awful) Pac-12, and will write more about that as the season heads down the stretch.  I'd be honored if you checked back for it.  (Note: this is how mature people resolve their conflicts.)

Aris AzarmsaJan 12, 2012 08:26 PM

your a joke you have no life. your blog sucks

Dear Aris,
You have confused the two iterations of "your" and "you're."  In this case, you have successfully used "your" once, and unsuccessfully used "your" once.   Despite this, you have succeeded in ruining my day with your biting insults.  As someone who I believe was once so desperate for new members in his fantasy baseball league that he asked someone he had never met (me) to join two hours before the draft on Facebook, I am sure you are a high authority on the matters you have brought up.  If you happen to edit or publish any texts on ways to improve oneself, please alert me immediately and I will not hesitate to send my (tax-deductible?) payment to your listed billing address.

JacksonJan 12, 2012 09:04 PM

There is a difference between poking fun in a humorous way and being pretentious. Being the genius that you are, I'm sure you can figure out which one describes you.

 Dear Jackson,
Yes.  I am the former.  Thank you.  If we had more people like you in the world, it would be a much better place.

UnknownJan 12, 2012 09:23 PM

you should have the courage to say who you really are before you try to roast, optimist, instead of hiding behind your pussy ass blog. your sarcastic apology, by the way, is THE CLEVEREST THING IN THE F***ING WORLD

p.s. Paly did better than gunn on the sat last year. roasted.

 Dear Unknown II (Same Person?),
Thank you again for the compliments.  You and your brethren have succeeded in raising my spirits after they were lampooned by "Aris."  I am sorry for hiding behind my blog.  If I had a large wall, I would hide behind that, because it is much taller.  I do not, however, have one.  Congratulations on the SAT.  I did not know there was a whole month last year where all the questions were, "Devise a particularly non-witty comment that you would use to respond to an overblown blog post.  Do not capitalize, aside from when you want to hit 'Caps Lock.'"  I can see how you were able to do so well, though.


Now, to address some common misconceptions that seem to be swirling around the campus of one Palo Alto High School.  Let's take these one by one:

• My intention is to belittle and anger Paly students

No.  In fact, I did not expect more than a few Paly students to read my blog about the game, nor did I expect those who read it to give three flying you-know-whats.  I will take it as a compliment to my writing skills that I could get you so incensed, though maybe I should just assume that emotions run high whenever Paly students are forced to read more than three lines of any kind of writing.  (This is called "beating a dead horse."  I have made this joke too many times.  However, it is still funny.)

• I am serious about what I said

Short answer: I wasn't.  Read some of the (scintillating) material that I have posted in the past year, get a feel for the way I write, and then try reading the Paly posts again.  The only legitimate gripe I have against Paly is that some fraction of their student body seems to take one blog post (which, I may add, praised Paly more than it derided them, if you had bothered to read it in full) as an all-out war declaration.  Work on that.  In fact, I guarantee you can find some classmates of yours who may (gasp) like me and/or be able to defend what I wrote.  It'll be hard, but you can do it.  Try it out!  Think of it as a scavenger hunt.

• "North Side" and "South Side" are actual Palo Alto gangs

They aren't.  However, if there were a "turf war," or whatever they are called these days, the Palo Alto Police would be on the spot faster than you could say, "Wait, is this seriously happening?"  Palo Alto Police live for these moments.

• The best way to retaliate against someone who says something you don't like is to threaten him or write atrocious opinion columns (referring to the second article, not the first) about his blog

This one is true.  Good job.

• 4+4=9

Wrong.  (I have successfully overused this joke as well.  Again, however, still funny.)

I hope I have clarified some things for everyone.  Please let me know with your kind words and thoughtful comments.  ALSO DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW SINCE I'M PROVIDING YOU WITH LIKE TWO DAYS WORTH OF STUPID ENTERTAINMENT. JUST CLICK THE "JOIN THIS SITE" BUTTON OVER TO THE RIGHT LOVE YOU BYE.