A Collection of 13 Thoughts

Hello! I woke up this morning and knew I had to do this post. You're welcome.


1. After scrutinizing the 2012 election field and evaluating each candidate closely, I am ready to put my full support behind Kony. The power of his viral marketing campaign is undeniable.

2. 97% of all jokes are not funny. This makes sense when you think about it, because jokes are created by people who can't be funny otherwise sitting at home trying to figure out a way to elicit a laugh the next time they come into social contact in roughly four weeks. Moral of this story: stop telling me jokes.

3. My (i)phone keeps freezing momentarily for no reason other than to get me to buy a new (i)phone as soon as this one's contract runs out. My Facebook account (as noted on my status) wouldn't let me set my domestic partnership's anniversary as 6/9/69. Apple and Facebook are playing a fun game right now called "who can be the least user-friendly?" They are both winning. (Anyone catch The Office reference?)

4. This morning, after having a total Facebook status meltdown beginning with "Blaaaarrrrrrggghhhhh" and ending, five statuses and thirty minutes later, with "God is dead," I played the Easy level of "Paper Toss" on my phone for 45 minutes. My high score is 105 consecutive made baskets. Also, I have very few friends! Correlation or causation? Debate amongst yourselves.

5. I want to do another movie post because, let's be honest, there are some scarily bad-looking movies coming out soon, but I feel like I've boxed myself into the talking-about-high-school genre and don't want to lose my loyal audience. Opinions?

6. The current iTunes top 10 includes a Maroon 5-Wiz Khalifa collaboration, two different versions of "Somebody That I Used To Know," and tracks from Justin Bieber, Carly Rae Jepsen, One Direction, and The Wanted. Culture is dead.

7. I bought at least half of those songs. I should be dead.

8. Does anyone who isn't Canadian watch hockey? Like actually watch hockey? He should win a medal, or a free lunch, or some heroin to arise him out of his semi-comatose stupor, or something. If I wanted soccer and figure skating put together, I... no. I would never want those two things put together.

9. No, I haven't decided where I'm going to college yet. What would be really helpful is if you relate to me your brother's friend's roommate's cousin's experiences at a college kind of like one of the ones I'm considering (only a little better, sorry you didn't get in, man) at great length and without any remotely pertinent details. Thanks!

10. The idea of AP classes being "college-level" is so preposterous that I don't even know where to begin. Is it the making of posters? The grading of notes? The half of the kids in the class who will never be college-level at anything, ever? The fact that the last three weeks of the course are spent watching mediocre, tangentially relevant major motion pictures? Another opportunity to debate amongst yourselves.

11. You know Joseph Gordon-Levitt is involved when a movie has such a sense of self-importance that it counts down the days to the release of its teaser trailer. It better be damn good. Damn good.

12. Yes, I am on crutches. That doesn't mean I'm also mentally handicapped. I don't understand why people feel the need to tell me every time I am getting close to a step. Don't other people have to notice the change in ground elevation to navigate it successfully, or is it just me? I am confused to no end.

13. The fact that this dude's page is popular is definitive proof that our country is comprised principally of morons.


Holy lord I am tired. Good night. Follow me please.